Where are all the good somali housewives

[shyhem]

I think Opala has my mentality,only that i'm dealing with somali women................ lADIES PLEASE READ THE ARTICLE BELOW and while u're at it please try to answer the question why u're still single and who is to blame

 

Where are all the good housewives?

 

Whatever happened to the traditional wife who knew her place in a man's life and who did not spend all her life trying to compete with him, wonders OYUNGA PALA

 

One of my mates, Arigi is fond of saying, "Back in the days, when men were men and women were proud, life was quite something else." I can understand why he wants to marry a primary school teacher. Women are not just what they used to be anymore, at least, not out here in the city. They take no pride in their femininity and seem to have this relentless obsession with putting on the pants as well. Back then, women took pride in playing the role of wives. And they made men. If there was one guarantee that marriage offered back then, it was that the man would mature.

 

The number of jokers, who stabilised and got their act together after marriage, came by the truckload. But then, that was then.

 

Today's man is simply in no hurry to get married because there is really nothing to look forward to. In fact, these days, the only guarantee that marriage offers is stress. Kenyan women, at least the urban variety missed the boat by a river. They want to put on the pants in a relationship and boy! Do they raise hell, if it doesn't happen? It's no wonder then that, East African men, rarely, and I mean rarely ever marry Kenyan.

 

But on the other hand, the number of local men, who marry across the regional border, are a beer a dozen. Men, like Jack, typical city bred boys, would have picked a bride from the dozen lip glossed, delicate finger nail females at his beck and call, but he opted to get a woman straight out of the village. He wants a simple woman who will raise his children and take care of the family without making a big deal out of it and demanding an award to boot. As Jack states, "I wouldn't touch the Aliyahs with a six-foot pole, because they haven't the faintest clue about what being a wife is all about".

 

Call the likes of Jack chauvinist pigs but I can readily attest to the fact that a good wife is even harder to find than that perfect husband most women seem to talk about but rarely find.

 

There is an email doing the rounds. It's taken from a 1950's American High school Home Economics textbook and is entitled, "How to be a Good wife". It reads something like this: 'Don't greet your husbands with problems or complaints. Don't complain, if he is late for dinner. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice'.

 

Is that too much to ask? It then goes on to state: 'Listen to him. You may have dozen of things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first. Make the evening his. Never complain if does not take you out for dinner or other pleasant entertainment'.

 

 

The article then goes on about, dinner, kids and just every other ounce of detail that was expected of a good housewife in the fifties. Clearly matters have changed since. These days all we ask for is some level of consistency in temperament and even that we don't get. This email is being circulated around as joke and I am thinking that 'this is some serious piece of writing here'. But like all great pieces written for the benefit of humanity, such as the Bible, it will be misinterpreted.

 

I hear women already saying it is subservient to be a wife. Why can't the man do his equal share of the housework? That is just plain ignorant! Which is why in the next decade or so, the divorce rate in this country will rival Hollywood's.

 

Women have to be women first, then all else later. It is women who stabilise a society. If you have flaky women, the values of the society where she lives will be equally flaky. Look at the West. They treat motherhood like it's a boot camp and we are picking up cues first out here. I don't see how washing dishes become derogatory. I don't see why motherhood and careers cannot flourish in the same pot. Our mothers did it, raised a whole bunch of us, straightened out our dads, still played the wife in the home and still earned their respect.

 

We have to drop this Hollywood nonsense. If you want to get married, learn to be a wife first, because that is what marriage is about. If that's too much too ask, do not get married because you will just end up frustrated and start issuing lame accusations like, "All men are pigs".

 

Maybe some jokers amongst us are not meeting responsibilities. The odd Neanderthal with one foot still stuck in the cave making the rest of us look bad. But as momma used to say, two wrongs do not make anything right. If there is a problem with your choice of man, deal with it, and do not pass the buck.

 

I have had it with men bending over backwards, trying to fit into this new age man image. I think our women have totally forgotten what manhood is and cannot define it outside these

 

projected images. What happened to common sense? Men will cook and do dishes, but if you think you are going to get home every evening to a hot meal prepared by your 'sensitive guy', you really ought to slow down on the soaps darling. You read all these cases about husbands having affairs with house helps, and we stare in shock, wondering how the man could stoop so low. It isn't rocket science. Any mistress will readily tell you, that

 

it is the little things that make all the difference. Heated water, warm dinners, clean socks and ironed shirts are the super highway to a man's heart.

 

That girl in the short skirt teasing us from every corner, looking smug in some commercial for soda, beer or skin lotion, may look perfect; a goddess; always young, always slender, is nothing but entertainment. Only the really dumb among our kind take that image of a woman seriously. And that's another reason, I am getting really worried. Because our women dearly love to imagine themselves looking as good as that girl on the billboard and they try almost anything to start the transformation. They are forsaking common sense for a model that never worked anywhere.

 

When they said, "Behind every successful man, is a woman", it was actually a compliment. All great leaders of the world, from Julius Ceasar, Napoleon down to Madiba always had some woman behind the screen pulling the invisible strings. Kenyans are now speculating about who's who in the kitchen cabinet, the real power behind the scenes. I tell you, it's literally women in a kitchen. They do not talk as much but all major decisions run through them first. So where on this polluted, damned planet, did our women pick up the notion of equality in the household?

 

Even the really liberal Dutch and Scandinavians haven't pulled that one off.

 

Can mothers stop misleading their daughters. Men want wives, not divas. Which is why I suggest, rather seriously I must add, that if you are a woman intending to find the happy marriage so eloquently described in the hundreds of dodgy references you have been through, it might help if you learnt how to be a good housewife. Romantic love and marriage are not synonymous.

 

Disregard my wise counsel and you will remember this article so vividly the day you walk in to find the house help riding your man. No need to reinvent the wheel. Time has proven that traditional family roles had their place. If it works, do not try and fix it.

 

But am like, the prophet who gets run out of town. My pro bono advice will be disregarded and after the futile search for the elusive man, women will turn to women. Perhaps, only a woman will understand a woman.

 

The same issues that originally fuelled the desire to be different, issues of marriage and all of its heterosexual patriarchal implications will be back on the agenda. Even gay couples have defined gender roles. Let's face it. Passionate love and marriage are historically strange bedfellows. Don't try and mix the two ingredients. The soup will be bitter. Therefore, my dear sister, I would suggest that next time, you come across the article, " How to be a Good Housewife", read it carefully. You can make a few adaptations but generally, it offers more guarantees than a hundred Cosmo love quacks would give in this lifetime.

 

Pala.o@jay.net

 

 

Oyunga Pala

 

Eat right, keep fit, but die anyway

[Paragon]

Shayhem.... Nice one sxb.

 

The guy is so right on everything he touched on. His advice will be worthwhile for those girls who have the ability to recognise a good advice.

[lulla]

loool..u really make laugh..

[Senora]

I'm not gonna act all feminist here, (cause believe me..you will get at least 10 of those by the end of the day), but im gonna try to explain a few things to the best of my knowledge. I honestly dont think there was a problem with women back in the day taking care of their husbands like that, and even though the percentage has decreased, some women still do that! But times were different then. Men were the sole economic providers. High precentages of those jobs back then dealt with their physical abilties. Heck if my man, bent over backward to bring home a check that pays for our well-being,and i stayed home all day with the kids, the least i could do was take care of him when he gets home. Its only fair! But then industrialization comes about, and jobs that didnt require great strenghts of physical ability. Women realizing that they too could have the opportunity to be something ELSE, cause trust me, you cant expect to go about life telling people how to live their lives, and that is all to expect of themselves & anything otherwise would be out of the ordinary......True enough, there were women who were just happy with what society had in store for them, but then you have those( the more educated) who weren't satisfied....For me, i think its a wonderful thing to have your mind set on just taking care of your family( cause lord knows that brings about a lot of stress and responsibilties!!), but i have this desire to be more than that. Of course, every now and then i wouldn't mind taking care of my husband, and the house, but with the career choice i have in mind, that will make it very hard for me, which is why i hope to find a man that will understand that.....

..there is so much more i can say, but i wont ramble on

[Che -Guevara]

Shyhem....nice piece....lol

Well, here is my two cents on dis....I think men are finding a little harder to adopt to changes....That has been the case since the start of industrial revolution and women started earning their income. Women are being told to compete with males on every level...This will naturally lead to antoganization and resentment.

If couple wants to get married, what they need to do is forget about the larger society and ask themselves, what's that they need from each other and what do they expect from each other. The realisation and hopefully acceptance of each other's needs and expectations can lead to peaceful co-existance!

[Simple Woman]

Princess_sexy I totally agree wit what you said.

 

Another thing is your always hearing "how to be a good wife," and "how to treat your husband" and what have you. But I rarely hear "How to be a good husband." I've seen some very respectful and decent house wives.. very traditional indeed, but walahi their husbands didn't deserve them. I'm not saying all men are like that... But its like she was a slave. Even on days when she was sick.. he showed no sympathy and expected his 3 meals, clean house, clean children... etc

 

We don't need to read articles in books/magazines to realize the foundations of a good marriage. We simply need to use the example of the prophet(pbuh)and his wives. But obviously its easier said then done.Then again if both partners in a marriage conducted themselves as they are required to islamically then less problems would arise and less divorces. And of course its not so easily especially in western countries that we're currently living in.

[Reality Check]

Why be a housewife when I can make more money than you?

 

[SCORPION_SISTA]

looool well one thing for sure, I am officially today on the single shelf for the rest of my life...best of luck to Pala in finding his good wife...bee bye.

[Che -Guevara]

Scorpion_Sista........hehheeeeeeeeheeeeee

come on.....yu can't mean that?....lol

[Lefty]

The writer seems to only bringing his point of view and how he prefers his partner to be or things to be done but not mentioning a bit of current reality.

 

Evaluating the statistics of current generation, I don't see legitimate reasonings to oppose hard working person from any gender. It's not because women are completely inept for working, but simply because we are in the company of obviously working generation. Any female can work and can also be a perfect wife. Besides there are profession females like Doctors whom their services needed by the public. The fact of matter is Appreciation is needed where necessary, financially reward their partners for work done in the home or outside is one of them.

 

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[SCORPION_SISTA]

loooool oh yeah Che_Guevara from what i read and heard so far, i am definitely not a marriage-material

[sweet_gal]

It's a new world, Women have the right to work and are seen equal in someways......I think it's a good thing for a women to be home with her kids and take care of here husband, but not to the point where she has to talk off his socks, Plus kids learn about their religion and be with their mothers......Later in life I dont think a mother wants to hear her kid say I never had the chance to talk to my mother much, cause she was always working, there's nothing better than a bond between a mother and son/daughter.

 

But then again babysitters exsist......But u can never trust a babysitter with ur child....Some of them are abusers. Making more money or thinking u should work because ur husband isn't any smarter than u and that u can make more money then him. It's nice to put ur kids before money. I dont know where am getting with this ( lol I just realized the topic didn't really include kids).

 

 

Anyways Yeah (like I said)

[Kool_Kat]

Warbal iga leexo, dheeraa Article ka? Yaa, indhihii aaba idaalay...

 

Housewife!!! Do you know what year or century we're in??? GOODNESS!!!

 

I think the "MEN" need to wake up and smell the coffee...Obviously, they over slep for a couple of yrs or should I say a couple of decates...

 

Scorbion_Sista, I agree with you...If that's the type of wife they want...Women might be better off being on the singles shelf for the rest of their lives...lol

[Armstrong]

Salaam Alaykum,

 

They are all in the planet Venus. Seriously speaking if you wish to find a woman who will sit at home for you all day washing, cleaning and cooking for you then I think you are day dreaming and are living in a utopian world.

 

Unfortunately, in the west as che-guevera said women are competing more with men. In where I am from, in good old England, approximately 54% of workers are women, the rest being men. Thus, western women are becoming breadwinners in the family and therefore adopt the notion that they have no need for a man in their life. In addition, most of the English people, both the women and men have to work to pay for a luxury life, a semi-detached house, a lexis car, swimming pool and so on and so forth.

 

Nonetheless, the increase in part-time work, the rise of regulations covering equal opportunities have led to think that the western women are empowered and they believe now they are equal to men; they go out and seek careers in the meantime delay marriage till they are professionally established. However, this is all but hype and nonsensical false hope given to them. My evidence for this statement is simple take a look at the family break ups, divorces, cheating by spouses, and the rise of debts in the west.

 

If one was to utilise rationality and common sense he or she would recognise that Islam has distinguished a role for women and a role for men. Men are the protectors of women in a marriage and must supply them women with food, shelter and etc. The woman has to take care of the husband’s property and raise children with the husband.

 

If the woman wants to study, work, get a PhD, whatever she is permitted as long as she does not neglect her duties towards her children and husband and the same goes for the man. If the woman works whatever income she receives belongs to her and can use it as she wishes but for the man to work it is obligatory. Therefore who should be the main bread winner? The man of course! Also, the man has a role in helping with domestic duties and raising his children...Its all about teamwork na'mean, this way its all win-win situation

 

MUJAHID OVER AND OUT !

[Che -Guevara]

Hehheeeeeeeeheeeeeee...Scorpion_Sista...Scorpion not marraige material, i beg to differ yaar...lol

But i guess, you have point, there is no going to back to the past!....The farahs have to fast forward themselves atleast by few decades...lol