hmmm, I wonder what part of the world I should banish my child to next?

[chubacka]

very strange conversation in my living room, i know some of these poor mums are desperate but you have to think if they can't deal with their child will flying them half way around the world help?

 

btw

top destinations were a) somalia b)kenya c) yemen

 

There were loud voices in support of Malaysia and Sudan as well. I wanted to suggest Siberia but not enough was known about this destination to make it a contender.

 

What's SOlers take on this issue, do you know kids that have been "sorted out" by exile? And if you were in these mothers' position where would you send a child to help them see sense?

[Lychee]

Qaar aya ku soo waayo arka, qaarna waay ka sii daraan.

 

Kolba waa siduu ilaahay idahdo.

[Blessed]

I think it's lazy parenting!! There are ****** kids, drugs, alcohol, criminal activity everywhere. The grass is not greener over there. There might'nt even be grass over there. They need to deal with their problems head on.

[B]

dhaqan celis just doesn't work. I experience that the hard. though siberia is not a bad idea.

[Rayyan]

Where in the world a parent think about Globetrotting your child will teach him/her how to behave?, isn't it the very home where child should learn waxoogay samac iyo basar ah.

 

The cardinal mistake is coming from the parents. neglience turned the spoiled brat into monster, drugging, rocking n rolling, splasing the shyte all over.apparently hooyo macaan have a problem in here own hands, while old dude is searching minayaro from the neighbour hood. Riwaayad.

[Honesita]

Originally posted by Blessed.*:

I think it's lazy parenting!! There are ****** kids, drugs, alcohol, criminal activity everywhere. The grass is not greener

over there

. There might'nt even be grass

over there

. They need to deal with their problems head on.

Toootally agree!

 

I have to share this story with you guys...

 

I work with a group of young girls and yesterday I found out one of my favorite ones, she's 13 years old, has memorized the Quran and has already completely revised it 4 times and working on her 5th time. I was astonished! Her mom is probably few years older than I, she has 6 kids and is pregnant with the 7th child, typical Somali mommy!

 

I had to interview the mother and her advice was simply wow... She said you have to BE what you want your children to BECOME! The things she told me about her life walaahi put tears in my eyes... if only mothers and fathers learned these principles of parenting, it will never matter where they raise their children, it can be in the White House for all I care and these children will come out strong, in every aspect of their lives...

 

Fi Amaani'Laah

[Archdemos]

Don't write it off completely sometimes it does work. My nephew was sent to rural Tanzania after getting involved with the wrong crowds in school, he attended boarding school, and has turned out to be a fine young man, so good that he is due to come back this summer. He went away a troubled youth and returns an intelligent and articulate young man.

 

Plus he can know add Swahili to his arsenal of languages. English, Swahili, Somali and Dutch. Puts me to shame

 

Granted he has many male family members close by for support. So don't knock it, if the right support network exists then they usually work in my experience.

[Lychee]

It’s not always the parents fault; some parents are the most affectionate, kind-hearted, tolerant waalid anyone could dream of having, and still their children CHOOSE to run wild and be a nuisance. There’s only so much one can do, what do you suggest they do? Lock them in a basement?

 

Those who Allah SWT chooses to misguide none can guide.

 

Secondly, a lot of mothers raise their children single handily and struggle.

 

Calaa kuli xaal, let’s not pass judgement, by implying bad parenting skills towards those parents who do decide to send their children away. Every parent has good intentions; I mean what waalid wants xumaan for their kids anyway?

 

Taking the child to a whole new environment, away from old habits and bad people can SOMETIMES work, waxaay ku xidhantahay the individual.

[Polanyi]

I have seen some SOmalis disrupt and ruin the education of their kids with all this rushed "alaaaaaaaaa, we need to get out and migrate to a a better land nonsense". An old friend of mine was once banished to Burco. But he came back more ghetto.mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

[Aaliyyah]

Laychee I agree with you fully. Even though I do think a parent plays an important role when the child is younger, and sometime a parent being affectionate is not enough they need to descipline their kids. Some mothers are too easy on their kids. But, like you said some parents who try hard still their kids turn out wrong. So, sometimes its all about wixi ilaahay qadaray.

 

As for sending their children to islamic countries? I would think that would work to some extent as long as the person you are sending is willing to change, so you need to communicate with your kids. You dont just ship them across seas.

 

I know enough parents who send their kids to somalia, malaysia etc and I think for the most part it worked. There were few people who just continued from where they left off lol...bt for the most part..especially when you send kids like in their teen years...sending a 20 plus person to somalia or whatever wont change them..as an arab proverb goes if a tree is still growing waterin them will straighten it but once its full grown you cant do much...so age is obviously a factor here. And, then again ilaahay wuxu hadeesmo wuu hadooba...

 

my two cents

 

salaam

[5]

I know someone who came back gay. Herad of another who became an alcoholic. So many horror stories. I would seriously advise people not to dump their kids in Somalia, whilst they are comfortably living in the West. Emigrate the whole family, but don't abandon the kid as soon as troubles start, because that's what it is - abandoning. Teenagers are bound to be irritating and run into troubles but as a parent one's responsibility is to be there for them and help them out of trouble.

[Blessed]

^I've seen many turns for the worst too. I do agree that families who move together tend to do better and I dare say it's bacause parents pay more attention to their kids, they have more time, less distractions.. but they still face the same challenges parents in the west do- sometimes worse.

 

Lychee,

No one is talking about parents love / intentions here. Lets not get issues twisted, please.

 

I believe that there is a baseless fantasy that Muslim countries will magically transform your stupidh little xabiiby. If he is easy to influence, a natural born ciyaal suuq, meel walba waa loogu talin oo wax uu qaso ma waayayo. If he is acting out due to poor parenting skills, those problems are going to follow you abroad too. With musaafuris parents blame gaaloda, wadanka, asxaabta it's never their little darling and with that attitude, you've failed before he even boarded the plane.

[Abwaan]

Originally posted by Blessed.*:

I think it's lazy parenting!! There are ****** kids, drugs, alcohol, criminal activity everywhere. The grass is not greener over there. There might'nt even be grass over there. They need to deal with their problems head on. [/quote

 

Right, earlier intervention is needed. Parents need to do something before it is too late. Why wait when they cannot do that much. Plus for the kids to do better they need a positive role model. I saw a group young somali kids the other day and asked them what they like about school and what their plans are in terms of jobs when they grows older insha Allaah. One of them (9 years old) couldn't even wait for me to finish the question and replied "I want to become a truck driver, like my uncle". I said to him "I see, Just incase you change your mind and you don't want to become a truck driver anymore, do you have another option?(I was trying to to see if there is anythings else that he likes)?" He kept on saying that he wanted to become a truck driver. Driving a truck is better than going to jail, stealing and using drugs, but if our childrens' dream jobs are security guards, taxi and truck drivers (this is what I heard from them many times) is it not obvious where they are getting this message from? I beleive many parents are failing their children and the proof is everywhere.

 

Something that needs to be done first? Fight against the community centers that are based on qabiil and personal interests and make sure that they serve the community and run useful programs that could help families, support children in education and run youth programs. I think that is where parents can do a lot to help their children other than spending a lot of money in flights, rent and school fees elsewhere. No need for this as it complicates the situation and seems to be ineffective.

[Lychee]

Blessed: Wayahay waan ku fahmay.

 

It is true, SOME parents do believe that sending them away is the solution, instead of tackling the issue earlier on. Or think of other means to help their child change.

 

Aaliyah, waa runtaa.

 

 

But in all honesty, if I raised my child properly, taught them etiquettes, educated them about their culture/religion, encouraged them with their school work, tried to communicate with them , show them love and affection whilst not forgetting to be slightly firm and STILL they screw up, waxaan ku odhan laha maalinta ay sidaas 18 ay gaadaan *There’s the door, use it. If you don’t want to live by my rules and work hard so you can be somebody, go do as you please* markaa they’ll either be somebody, oo waay baabi’i.

 

Sometimes, marka ka daba carartid caruurtada, you only end up killing them with your kindness.

 

Kids are too much, I sometimes wonder why people have them.

[chubacka]

what I don't understand is why bring them back?

Let them stay and live their life in this new place if you have taken the tough choice of moving them. A couple of years or a few months won't change anything.

 

I have seen whole families relocate and this is by far the better option but obviously much more difficult.

 

One of them (9 years old) couldn't even wait for me to finish the question and replied "I want to become a truck driver, like my uncle".

.

 

I think most boys of 9 want to drive some sort of heavy vehicle, hardly a cause for concern. As long as there are some positive male role models in the child's life I would say their job is not really a issue.