Somali Muslim Matrimonials....The Divorce Rate..Solutions

[-Lily-]

How nice that there are so many sceptics of Love around, and in your hearts of hearts you all hope for 'true love' only some of us are brave and mushy enought to voice that. Shame on you!

[LayZie G.]

WaterLily, Rumor staff don't belong in Matrimonial discussions. Its a big no no, we don't talk about love, anything that is mushy etc, we are considered the best and toughest all around. I hope this move doesn't have a negative impact on the e-paper.

[RendezVous]

Love.Love.love. The truth be told bro, there is love, in most cases its there in the beginning and it fades, in some cases it comes and goes within a time frame of 5-6years, well give or take. In other cases it doesn’t exist and in rare extraordinary cases it lasts for a life time (winning the lottery kind a case).

Unless you have NEVER seen it or were near it ..The greatest lovers were my mum and dad..even if they have some personal arguments..they will never show it..we see them HAPPY all the time.Love is there and I think Love grows with time..You continue to love your woman/man as both of you in time improve ..To see your woman your woman as a "Model" so that you don't frown the next time you see her close, simply beautify her always..instead of getting another sleeky "Model"...with kids there is obviously LOVE..

 

don't you guy think so???

[Che -Guevara]

Dear Kat...Buddies then.

As for castro...He is out of action and missing the fun. Thats all

[-Lily-]

LazieGirl, I didn't know we were all big brother like. :rolleyes:

[RendezVous]

^^one of my Buddies

[Mr.Faarax]

The reason why so many are divorcing is because when the couple first start discussing marriage they only focus on the marriage ceremony (buraanbur, the qado and possibly if they young the hotel party) and they rarely talk about their future and their plans. (like if she/he wants to send money to africa, married before, or have legal issue) answering questions like these before marriage is important for successfull marriage. Better now than later i say.

 

All they focus the first part of the relationship is making sure to look and sound good for the other, and when marriage is finaly mentioned..it is which hotel or hall shall we have our qado and ceremony. com'on is this what marriage is all about????

 

After the ceremony happens, then reality comes out from the closet and then it is one surprise after another. 80% of somali couples who get married find out about their partner after the first month of marriage. sad but reality!

 

So I say my solution is....Get to know everything about the person you are marrying, prepare a questionare if you have to, and stop with the nonsense SHUKAANSI! after the person said they want you as well. kabiish!

 

Also this question comes to mind, WHY DO SOMALIS START their wedding party with versus from quran and then start the niiko right afterwards????? could this be where the cuqubo comes from? :confused:

[Che -Guevara]

Here are some other cultures dealing with relationship and divorce rates.

 

 

well-received Zimbabwean play has challenged how a woman should react in situations of adultery.

 

 

 

Mia can rely on her hot water bottle

Despite a widely-held view in the country that wives should accept that their husbands will stray, expectations are beginning to change.

 

Hot Water Bottle is a one-woman performance featuring Tinopona Katsande, a television soap opera star with a raunchy image.

 

Twenty shows were held over two weeks at Harare's Theatre In The Park, and the content drew strong reactions from those who watched.

 

The play is set a bedroom, with Mia in her nightdress.

 

After falling asleep she receives a call from a workmate who has seen her husband, Douglas, out with another woman.

 

As confirmation, she finds condoms in the pockets of her husband's jacket.

 

Choice

 

Then come hours of anguish and soul-searching while waiting for him to return, and at times she wonders whether it is all her fault.

 

I have been the loyal and respectful wife - not any more

 

Mia

"For what, Douglas, why, why? Forgive me Lord, if it was me that did wrong to my husband, forgive me."

 

But she decides that she is better off with a hot water bottle as her companion and that she will confront Douglas on his return.

 

He eventually comes back in the early hours of the morning, and Mia vents her anger.

 

 

"Go and bath Douglas, how dare you come home reeking of another woman, into my bed, get up, go and wash."

 

Reaction

 

One woman who watched the performance quipped: "After watching this I think I'll postpone marriage for another 10 years, or maybe cross over and be a lesbian."

 

"I'm sure a woman wouldn't cheat on me as much as that!"

 

HOT WATER BOTTLE BENEFITS

Faithful

Guaranteed hot time in bed

Easy to keep happy

Doesn't answer back

Cheap to replace

No risk of disease

"Because of the anguish and stigma of divorce, a lot of women put up with unfaithful husbands just to keep up appearances, although there's nothing left in the marriage."

 

The play left many men feeling uncomfortable.

 

"If I was in the same game as Douglas, I'd definitely change, and I'd like to bring some of my friends along so that they can learn something," said one young man.

 

But another woman expressed a more traditional view.

 

"It's good to let the husband feel that he's head of the house, to allow him back and to ask for forgiveness," she said.

 

The shadow of HIV and Aids hangs over the play, but as in Zimbabwe, which has one of the highest rates of HIV infection on the continent, it is referred to obliquely.

 

A culture of multiple partners is considered to be a significant factor in the spread of the virus and at one point in the play Mia sobs: "Don't let our child become an orphan".

 

Later he demands some gratitude for having used condoms with the other woman.

 

Influences

 

Hot Water Bottle is the stage debut of 27-year-old Katsande.

 

 

She spent 10 years in the US, and her exposure to American culture is one of the reasons why she questions the way that many Zimbabwean women tolerate unfaithfulness.

 

 

The play challenges traditional male attitudes in Zimbabwe

"Mia is the Zimbabwean woman coming up now, she's gone to a good school, and she's travelled," said Katsande.

 

"She now has a dilemma trying to deal with what society and culture is saying and what she knows and believes in.

 

"I went to university in California, and coming back here I know that I won't stand for this, although everything else in society says that this is the way it is.

 

"I love being here, but I can't live like this. It's not right and we have to let men know that if they cheat they'll be replaced by the hot water bottle."

 

Polygamy is still widely practised throughout Zimbabwe, and there is a recent urban phenomenon of "small houses", where a married man will rent out a flat for his young girlfriend.

 

The play was written by a man, Noel Marerwa, and Katsande found that the script was easy to relate to, even though she is not married.

 

"My sister-in-law commented how ironic it is that a young, single woman with no children can show what's happening to married women," she said.

 

"Mia got into marriage believing that it was one-man, one-woman, so you can't say that Douglas has a right to cheat.

 

"Isn't marriage and relationships about what the two of you make it?"

 

Source. BCC.COM

[Che -Guevara]

An unprecedented rise in divorce among Japanese couples married more than 20 years is being blamed on a phenomenon known as "retired husband syndrome".

Marriage guidance counsellors are warning newly retired couples not to spend extended amounts of time together - recommending day trips over cruises.

 

Many of Japan's workers or "salarymen" spend decades living largely apart from their families, devoted to their jobs.

 

With time on their hands, couples are finding they barely know each other.

 

The divorce rate in Japan has risen 26.5% in 10 years, according to the health ministry.

 

The number of divorces among couples married 20 years or more hit 42,000 in 2004, double those recorded in 1985.

 

When a man retires at 65 the wife may be thinking 'I still have 20 or 30 more years with this person'

 

 

Divorces among those married more than 30 years quadrupled during the same period.

 

The BBC's Jonathan Head in Tokyo says many wives increasingly resent how little their husbands contribute to home life and are seeking divorce when, after retirement, the men show no sign of changing their habits.

 

Japanese people also tend to live longer, so when a man retires at 65 the wife may be thinking "I still have 20 or 30 more years with this person", our correspondent says.

 

'On the rocks'

 

More people will retire in Japan in the next five years than at any other time as the post-WWll "baby boomers" reach retirement age.

 

Experts say that celebratory cruises or long holidays are having a devastating affect on many marriages.

 

Couples who have been married for 30 or 40 years are discovering that they barely know each other, and what they do find out is not that attractive.

 

The author of self-help books "Why Are Retired Husbands Such a Nuisance?" said it is dangerous for couple to go on overseas trips after the husband retires.

 

"Disagreements between the spouses often deepen when they spend a lot of time together in a foreign setting.

 

"Husbands pay the price for placing more importance on their jobs than their wives," author Sayoko Nishida said.

 

Source: BBC.COM

[Mr.Faarax]

^ I say we are living the last days..it is the end of the world people...everything that has moral values or traditional is out the window.

[Castro]

It's time to drop the old rag and get a brand spankin new 13 year old, eh? These Japanese men just don't know how it's done.

[Mr.Faarax]

^ i would assume you have a proven strategy

[-Lily-]

You forget that Japan is one of the only few countries in the world where men out number women considerably. Lucky women...more like 45 year old cicked to the curb for a hot 20 something.

[RendezVous]

Originally posted by Castro:

It's time to drop the old rag and get a brand spankin new 13 year old, eh? These Japanese men just don't know how it's done.

are you talking about the 13yrs Jap twins ..Man, It is rare for a man to marry @20 nowadays, with million of ladies around him..He will love to waste The resources .Somalis do better though ..Can we make a headcount of all singles and wannabees in SOL to prove statistics that SOL ladies are many than the boys..

 

My Xaliimos

[A. Isse]

I find this muslim matrimonial website which they say is free. Is it true.

 

http://www.bestmusli m.com