Blessed Posted May 9, 2003 Originally posted by Shyhem: I'm already in trouble for talking about good somali housewife in that thread and i think it will serve me well if i keep my decisions to myself.Awhole lot of character assasination is going around here especailly if u ain't careful. Poor Shyhem, all scared to express his opinions. Poor, poor thing. *snif* We all have our choices. Whether it’s where we reside or back home or simply in the Arabland. Just as long as we find the right one that suits us, no matter where! Nasra Sometimes u make sense girl. Couldn't have said it better myself Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jaabir Posted May 10, 2003 Bro, I wasn’t trying to make things negative for you, I responded to your topic just to alleviate your severe misconception about Somali girls in Northi America!.... so please believe that.. Brother Khayr.. i am sorry if i sounded little harsh and off line with my reply.. you are one of the nomads i look up to in SOL .. i am sorry again Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bachelor Posted May 10, 2003 LOOOOL!! HIBO, I love the SWOT anaysis! Beautful and well-thought out. My immediate cosine who married from Middle East is now in a "big mess" or "doqoo". I like specially the when you decribe the.. Threats : 1. Change in attitude after arrival in the west 2. Unknown past behaviors 3. Susceptible to mental disorder due to the war traumas (Somalia) 4. Great possibility of marriage failure due to misinterpretation of freedom Believe me nomads it is REAL Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nefertiti Posted May 10, 2003 Hhm, interesting topic. Its been in my mind for a while, actually. I've got my own theory on why us women have such a high standard. Its because we see our parents struggling to provide for us and give us a better life. For this reason, we dont want to repeat the same mistakes our parents did. Thats the reason we go to Uni, to get a high-powered, high-paying job, so we can afford to give our children a better life. As for the brothers who are going back home to get a wife, I suppose its a personal choice, but have you thought about the consequences? Like it has been mentioned before, what will you do with your wife once she gets back in the States? Because of the large educational and communicational difference, how will you ever carry on a deep conversation with her, apart from the "naa, cashadii awaay?" Because of the restrictions put on her, she may have a narrow-minded attitude, which may not benefit you in any sense. And once the down-home sisters are thrust into this whole new world, they may feel alianated. It will take them time and energy to learn the western ways, and maybe they may launch into clinical depression. When your family is enlarged by the arrival of your newborn(s), will she be able to sustain their growing needs for emotional and intellectual support they need? Remember, she will have grown up in a completely different society, and she may not yet have shaken off the rules and regulations a down-from-home sister has to live with. Then again, the sisters from the West are all different. Yeah, we have our lists, but thats only to ensure a fruitful future with the man we love. Now how are we supposed to do that, if some our brothers are running away from us, dating African-American/White or anyone thats not Somalian, because apparantly we dont meet their "needs." Also, who says that a Western sister does not have roots? We may have grown up in the west, but we have by no means lost our roots. We still know our traditions, and are willing to carry them out, so long as they dont harm us. Then again, when you step off that plain onto Somalian dust, you may look up and find your perfect wife. You never know... Just remember...the grass is not always greener on the other side. QoxootiMammi PS: Just my oppinions/assumptions. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Macalin Posted May 10, 2003 Salaam aleykum! I just have one Q When Yall say 'miscommunication', do we then accept that we have indeed LOST touch with the others back in somalia?- Back to this topic, i think its everyone's prerogative. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lol Posted May 10, 2003 Lakkad: Its not about loosing touch with those back home, its just that we possess different prospectives than they do. Our life priorities are different and our thinking goes beyond theirs. Too much friction to overcome, and it sometimes proves hazardous believe me. Anyways I miss u tons and the folks back in R. Say Hello to them for me. I might come back U owe me a dinner when I do!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Macalin Posted May 11, 2003 LOL!..i see where u coming from laakin...ppl are making it as if its like....Aree hindi and ARDEE...somland..OO is GUURSADAY,Its somalis for heavens sake, Haye..Meesha waa ku qaadi lahday haye?...Well U always welc in R..ur dinner will be readyy When u get here....Will say hi to ur buddies...YU say hi to Mr and Mrs...G...OK..Macsalaama Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Saalixa Posted May 11, 2003 darman, not every guy who goes back to somalia lacks socialising skills or dating skills. there are some that live in places that the girls livin there are so cheap. got no respect an all, some dont even know what marraige is all bout for them happiness is just till the honeymoon is over and she had a nice wedding (that beated her best friends previously). so dont blame the poor guys. and not everyone's born rich, some cant afford to have fancy weddings 'n' holidays.not everyones pocket's full!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
StarGazer Posted May 13, 2003 Hibo, abaayo waa ka helay ur SWOT list!! good 1. Qaxooti Mami, well said. Excellent questions you've posed there. I don't wanna sound redundant, so I picked mami as my spokesperson. Anyway, not too long ago I had a lil chit chat with a Somali man who's pursuing a phD and recently got himself a wifey from back home. He voluntarily told me that he couldn't marry a woman from qurbaha, cuz they're too intimidating!!!! bisinka, a grown man saying that? Is it cuz they got their priorities in check and know what they want in a future mate....? I'm not making this up walaahi.... Khayr, personally it doesn't effect me. If you can't handle an educated, independant, religious sista like me, than you better step aside!!! LOL. Seriously though, i've been noticing the growing trend...... :eek: Brothas keep posting, don't mind knowing the reasons behind this. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
HONEY-D Posted May 14, 2003 Tamina Khayr, personally it doesn't effect me. If you can't handle an educated, independant, religious sista like me, than you better step aside!!! LOL. woooooooooow did u hear that khayr. tamina i think somali men dont want a lady like yourself who can challenge them it makes them insecure and worthless. BTW i admire the way u view urself as a muslim woman u got it all mansha-alah alaha kuu siyaadiyo. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Khayr Posted May 14, 2003 Salaamz, I think that was a 'LEFT,RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT' combination punch (Matrix Speed) by Tamina ! However, a little reality check for these 'Qurba Super Halimo's' I see a lot of sisters who are aging and passing their prime yrs, b/c they have been so busy calculating what 'man' they should marry. If this keeps up, those sisters will lose out and become '2nd wives' b/c they have become too old to settle down and have children. Scream and cuss at the screen all you want to, but if I where a Halimo in the Qurbo lands, I would worry! If you make the road to what Allah has made Halal to you, very difficult for yourself, then Allah will make the road for you to travel 'Harsher' and you might this time, fall into 'Many Harams' b/c you were so rigid about what Allah had made Halal for you in the first place. Never take forgrant Allah's Kirema!!! Fi Amanallah Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Khayr Posted May 14, 2003 Salaamz, One more thing, A little side story, I have a friend who married in 2001. When he first got married, he used to tell me that his wife out prays him, reads more quran then him and that he is feeling the heat. This was good for him b/c it inshallah has helped him to step up his ibadah. Point of the Story: Spouses should help to make each other grow. If you are comfortable with the way you are as a Husband/Wife, then there is something wrong with you b/c Allah has kept you alive, meaning that you haven't done it ALL YET! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nefertiti Posted May 15, 2003 Tamina: Qaxooti Mami, well said. Excellent questions you've posed there. I don't wanna sound redundant, so I picked mami as my spokesperson. Why thank you, sista, thank you. This comes across as a sensitive topic and it needs to be addressed sensitively. Khayr: However, a little reality check for these 'Qurba Super Halimo's' I see a lot of sisters who are aging and passing their prime yrs, b/c they have been so busy calculating what 'man' they should marry. If this keeps up, those sisters will lose out and become '2nd wives' b/c they have become too old to settle down and have children. Scream and cuss at the screen all you want to, but if I where a Halimo in the Qurbo lands, I would worry! Dear Khayr...I am touched because you seem to be so worried for us and our future and "mental" status. Thank you for trying to look out for us... :rolleyes: However, much of your comments seem to be wildly speculated and without any trace. Maybe us "Qurba Halimo Sisters" are waiting so long for a reason. Maybe we do not want to be married as soon as we experience our first hormonal changes. Is the thought of us persuing a career a little bit too intimidating for you? Do you mind a wife that can engage in a mind stimulating conversation, a wife who's got the best of both Worlds? If you make the road to what Allah has made Halal to you, very difficult for yourself, then Allah will make the road for you to travel 'Harsher' and you might this time, fall into 'Many Harams' b/c you were so rigid about what Allah had made Halal for you in the first place. Never take forgrant Allah's Kirema!!! Do you mean by this that we sisters, when tired of waiting, we will "offer" ourselves to anyone? If so, then let me fill you in...any sister who is educated, decent and true to her religion and heritage, most defintely would NOT engage in such acts. We "Qurba Halimo Sisters" prefer to spend our days with someone who cares and is on the same wavelength; that is why we prefer to wait. If that's a rare concept to you, I suggest you look around...there's plenty of educated fish in the sea...Oh and by the way, The PhD is for OURSELVES...not anyone else.. :cool: And just as a last bit of advice, brother...the words "Qurba Halimo Sister" may come across as offensive to some of the female somali population, so before you come under the heat of dacas slaps...I suggest you change the phrase... Of course, the above comments are only my opinions...No offence, just trying to help... ~QoxootiMammi~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Haneefah Posted May 16, 2003 Originally posted by Tamina: If you can't handle an educated, independant, religious sista like me, than you better step aside!!! You go girl, tell it like it is The truth is I'm quite sick and tired of hearing these irrational stereotypical comments about somali women in the west. The decision is very much yours to marry whom ever you want from Somalia or anywhere you wish...you guys also have our blessing...just do us a BIG favour, stop pointing fingers!!! We want the best for you guys as our brothers in Islam and as our somali brothers, So why is it so difficult for you guys to wish the same for us...subxanalah. And my brother Khayr...it's good to know that your worrying about us in the "west" but there is no need cuz last time I checked Allah (swt) did not limit our options to Somali men only...Thank God eh If some somali guys cannot appreciate successful women who have their lives in perspective and who have a vision of their future and who also to my knowledge love and respect and are willing to commit to their somali brothers....then they will simply find Muslim brothers who are willing to do that unconditionally insha'Allah P.S Good luck with your journey Khayr, may Allah help you find the "right" woman insha'Allah Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
