Big-Earning Wives (and the Men Who Love Them)

[Child of Dune]

There is a growing trend of women getting into high paying jobs than their counterparts. Is this a problem for men? A question I would like to ask is

“Would you feel secured in your marriage if your wife earned more than you?â€

 

 

Big-Earning Wives (and the Men Who Love Them)

BY KIMBERLY GOAD

 

In a growing number of marriages, it's the woman who is bringing home the big paycheck. Is she stressed? Yes. Resentful? A little. Would she trade places with her husband? Not on your life.

 

By the time Jane and John Metcalfe* were ready to start a family, they had both reached a similar level of success. She

was vice president of a New York public relations agency, and he was pastry chef at a well-regarded New Jersey restaurant. They were typical Type A personalities working long hours in jobs they loved. Then Jane became pregnant with their first child, and they came face-to-face with the dilemma that affects all working couples with kids: What to do about child care? They didn't want to put their infant in day care. They couldn't afford a nanny. So after much agonizing, they decided that one of them would cut back on work hours to stay home with the baby, while the other continued to work full time. "My husband and I want to give our children traditional things - like a home and a backyard," says Jane, 37. "In the end, our decision came down to: Who had the better job in terms of salary and benefits?"

 

The answer was Jane. She's one of a growing number of women who've become the primary breadwinners in their families. What would have been considered an uncommon role reversal even 10 years ago is now anything but. One in three married women in America is out earning her husband, according to the Bureau of Labour Statistics. "When I started as a financial adviser 20 years ago, there were almost no couples in this situation," says Bob Mecca, a certified financial adviser in Mt. Prospect, Illinois, a suburb of Chicago. "Now 40 percent of the couples who come through my door have a wife who earns more than her husband."

 

The simplest explanation for this change is a practical one: Women today are better educated and better prepared for the workforce than ever. "The number of women getting high school, college and advanced degrees is higher now than at any other point in history," says Randi Minetor, author of Breadwinner Wives and the Men They Marry. In fact, women today are more educated than men: In 1998, there were 125,000 more college-educated women than men, according to the Center for the Study of Opportunity in Higher Education. By 2010, that gap is expected to double. A survey on Redbookmag.com of women who earn more than their husbands confirms the impact of these trends. Most high-earning wives said they make the higher salary in the marriage not because they're more aggressive about job hunting or working longer hours, but typically because they are better educated, and therefore landed in a more lucrative field. But this arrangement also reflects a seismic shift in the way husbands and wives view each other, says Stephanie Coontz, director of research at the Council on Contemporary Families and author of the upcoming book Marriage, a History. "Women have earning power, so they're less intent on finding a husband who is a high earner and more interested in finding someone who is an all-around good partner," she says. "And men are letting go of the idea of, 'I should make more or have the more prestigious job because I'm the man.' Instead they're both saying, 'Let's do what's best for all of us.'" It's a modern choice that reflects modern financial and cultural realities, but it also presents new challenges. The same conflicts that rattle every marriage - money decisions, division of household and child-care duties - can become even more fraught when she's the breadwinner. Yet it's also a liberating setup: Let go of traditional earning roles, and you're free to make lots of other choices based not on your parents' marriage, or anyone else's, but rather on what works for you. Here's how some very different couples navigate this new path - and what they've learned that can strengthen any marriage.

[juba]

i think there is nothing wrong with that (mabye because im a women) if circumstances call for the women to continue working and has a better job what can you do?