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NGONGE

Stuck In The Middle Is Two!

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NGONGE   

The worst things in life are those that make you laugh. How many times have you seen someone who was just informed that a member of their family has just passed away, let out a small smile before catching themselves and putting on a sad face? It is probably all to do with the particular thought that crossed their mind at that point. Most times, such a thought has nothing to do with death.

 

Today, I had to take my middle daughter to school. The other two children were suffering from a bad case of flue and had to stay home. She, on the other hand, was excited to be the only one going to school and kept on pulling faces and calling them losers and other childish names. It seems that she was dying for an opportunity to catch me on my own, and as soon as we left the house she said the following:

 

Daughter: Dad. You know how you always call me NUMBER TWO and call the others ONE and THREE?

 

Me: Yes.

 

Daughter: I don’t like it. Number two is what people do when they go to the toilet.

 

Me: So is number one.

 

Daughter: I know. But she does not mind. I HATE it.

 

Me: Ok. I’ll stop calling you number two. I’ll stop the number thing altogether. You are right, you have names and I should call you all by your real names.

 

Daughter: No. Just me. You can call the others by their numbers if you want.

 

Me: How about if I ask them what they like to be called?

 

Daughter: That is silly. Number one likes to be called Cindrella and number three likes to be called Ben 10.

 

Me: Hmmm. I’ll ask them anyway.

 

We walk on for a bit and start a conversation about chewing gum and how it is made when, suddenly, she lets go of my hand and skips forward towards something that is lying on the side of the road.

 

Daughter: What is that?

 

Me (putting on a solemn face): It’s a dead cat!

 

She covers her face with her hand and lets out a gleeful giggle!

 

Me (failing to suppress a smile): What are you giggling about? The poor cat is dead. You should feel sorry for it, not laugh!

 

Daughter: I saw a dead cat but number one and three didn’t. Hahaha!

 

I stopped trying to suppress my own amusement and stood there smiling at her and the dead cat. An old lady walked past us and noticed what we were smiling at.

 

Old lady: You should know better than to teach a child to laugh at such things.

 

Me: Err. You don’t understand. We are not laughing at the dead cat.

 

Daughter: Yes we are!

 

Me: Shuush number two. We are laughing because number one and three are not here to see it.

 

Old lady (frowning and shooting me with killer looks): You should know better.

 

Me: Yes. Yes. I know. Honestly though, you really misunderstood the whole situation.

 

Old lady: What’s there to misunderstand? You were both laughing at the dead cat.

 

Me: Yes. I suppose we were. Sorry. Come on number two, we’re going to be late for school.

 

We walk away from the old lady and the dead cat.

 

Daughter: You called me number two again!

 

Me: You got me in trouble with the old lady.

 

Daughter: I didn’t.

 

Me: Yes you did. You told her we were laughing at the dead cat.

 

Daughter (giggling again): We were. Heh. Heh.

 

Me: Stop it. Heh. Heh.

 

Daughter: Number one and three are sick and in bed. Heh. Heh.

 

Me: Heh. Only you and I saw the dead cat. Heh. Heh.

 

Daughter: Don’t tell them we saw a dead cat. It is a secret.

 

Me: What’s the point in that? I think we should tell them.

 

Daughter: NO! Number one knows EVERYTHING. I don’t want her to know about the dead cat.

 

Me: Hmmm. Are you ever going to tell her about the dead cat?

 

Daughter (giggling again): YEAH! When we have a fight.

 

Me (laughing like a starving hyena now): Are you planning to have a fight with her?

Daughter: No. But if we have a fight, I will tell her about the dead cat.

 

Me (thinking this is the time to do the fatherly thing and give some advice): Why do you think you will have a fight with her? It may never happen you know.

 

Daughter: It will. We always fight.

 

Me: It may not happen THIS time.

 

Daughter: It WILL. You don’t know anything.

 

Me: Ok. Ok. I believe you, number two.

 

Daughter: You called me number two again!

 

Me: You said I don’t know anything.

 

Daughter: Sorry!

 

Me: I’m sorry too. No more number two.

 

We walk on silently for a bit and I start looking at my watch to see how late I am when I hear her giggle again.

 

Me: What are you laughing about now?

 

Daughter: Heh. Heh. I saw a dead cat.

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Chimera   

LOL@Ben 10

 

i bought that famous toy watch for my cousin, now he is terrorising my Aunt's house thinking he's Ben 10 :D

 

nice story Ngonge.

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Salma   

hmmm dammak khafeef wallahi fel Summer time... Is there any free biscuit and tea with the story? :D

 

Aiwa yakhi.... khaleena fel ajwaa2 el sa3iida wel dead cats o Lil Number 2, bala monatharat bala araf..

 

P.S. I would say that "Stuck in the Middle is YOU and not No. Two (I mean the Father, whoever is he, I don't wanna say it's you and then you tell me " It's words, only words on screen)

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NGONGE   

Heh@Zulfa. Laa, I am stuck in the middle with all three. This time, this is a true story (happened this morning and cheered me up). :D

 

Number three is a different case altogether. He was suffering from a bad fever two nights ago and came to sleep on my lap. He dozed off for about ten minutes then woke up all shaking and shivering (from the fever). I asked him if he was ok. He vacantly looked up at me then looked down at his legs.

 

Number three: OH MY WORD! They are still there.

 

Me: What is?

 

No 3: My legs!

 

Me: Where did you think they'd be?

 

No 3: In the street.

 

Me: What?

 

No 3: I was naughty and opened the door whilst the car was moving and I fell out. I lost one leg and was trying to skip after the car but hoyo drove away.

 

Me: You had a nightmare.

 

No 3: I know. But I am happy I have my legs.

 

This conversation was conducted with the shivering and shattering teeth still going on.

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Poker   

I love it. Little girls are something else walaahi. They just steal your heart with ease!

 

LOl@I saw a dead cat and number one and three didn't....priceless,

 

Thanks for the laugh man.

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LooL... Love the story!

 

That is it - We can make a sitcom out of Ng and his family, a Somali version of "My Wife and Kids'

 

NG, can i use "Daughter: I saw a dead cat but number one and three didn’t. Hahaha!" as my signature for a week? :D

 

Cheers

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Kool_Kat   

There's nothing cute, lovely, or funny about his story...Masaakiin jiran baa guriga looga soo tagay, allaha caafiyo...

 

Now that I got that out of the way: AAAAAAH, the rewards of being a parent is just endless...Mansha'all ah to No. Two!

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Urban   

That made me chuckle.. Mashallah, god bless them Ngonge.

 

If the original conversation wasn't in english, I think you should post the raw somali version as it was spoken by both of you. Just out of curiosity..

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NGONGE   

At breakfast, little GONGITA sat looking at her cereal bowl and deeply thinking about something. My job, by orders of the management, was to sit with the kids and ensure they finish their breakfast.

 

NGONGE: Stop daydreaming and eat your food.

 

GONGITA: Hmm?

 

NGONGE: EAT YOUR FOOD!

 

GONGITA: Dad..when I have a baby, I am going to call her Janna.

 

Dad, of course, chokes on his tea...but quickly recovers..

 

NGONGE: You're too young to have a baby.

 

GONGITA: How old should I be?

 

NGONGE: At least thirty.

 

GONGITA: Will you be dead when I have my baby?

 

NGONGE: I feel like dying now.

 

GONGITA: Why? Are you ill?

 

GONGA: He means he feels like dying because you are thinking about babies. You are only a little girl.

 

GONGITA: You are a little girl too.

 

GONGA: No I'm not. I'm almost NINE.

 

GONGITA: Can you have babies?

 

NGONGE: Stop spreading your venom around.

 

GONGITA: What is venom?

 

GONGA: It's poison, isn't dad?

 

NGONGE: Yeah.

 

GONGITA: Huh?

 

MATAGOONI: Snakes have poison.

 

GONGA (laughing): Dad just called you a snake.

 

GONGITA (looking at dad): Did you?

 

NGONGE: It was a joke.

 

GONGITA: You were not laughing when you said it.

 

NGONGE: It was a silent joke. Like the G in ENOUGH.

 

MATAGOONI: And the K in know.

 

NGONGE: Yes.

 

GONGITA: Is Janna a nice name?

 

NGONGE: Forget all this nonsense. You can't have a baby unless you are married.

 

GONGITA: I know that.

 

NGONGE (getting sucked in once again): Who will you marry?

 

GONGITA: I'll marry MATAGONI!

 

NGONGE (choking on his tea once more): YOU CAN'T! (and like a badly made Indian movie he says..) He's your brother!

 

GONGITA: Oh!...I know! I'll marry Mehdi.

 

NGONGE: Who is Mehdi?

 

GONGA: He's a Bengali boy in her class.

 

NGONGE (starting to think about ancient Arabian tribes and how they used to burry their daughters alive): Does Mehdi even like you?

 

GONGITA: I don't know! I am going to ask him when I get to school.

 

NGONGE: You'll ask him to marry you?

 

GONGITA: Yes.

 

GONGA: You can't ask a boy to marry you. The boys are the ones that ask. They get down on one knee and.....

 

NGONGE: Yes. Yes. Enough of that. This is a boring conversation.

 

GONGITA: Why do they get down on their knees?

 

GONGA: I don't know. Why do they do it, dad?

 

NGONGE: I don't know.

 

GONGITA: Did you get on your knee when you married mum?

 

NGONGE (muttering to himself): I was brought to my knees....

 

GONGA: I don't think he did. We are Somali. Gaalo get on their knees.

 

GONGITA: I'm going to ask Mehdi to ask me to marry him but not get on his knees. Mehdi is Muslim.

 

GONGA: Mehdi is ugly.

 

MATAGONI: Mehdi hit me.

 

NGONGE (seeing a chance to change the conversation): Did he?

 

MATAGONI: Yes. But I kicked him and kicked him and kicked him..

 

NGONGE: You should really stop kicking people. It's not nice.

 

MATAGONI (with a twinkle in his eye): I kicked him. Kicked him. Kicked him...

 

A sudden silence....

 

GONGITA (playing around with her spoon but picking no food up): Dad...

 

NGONGE: Don't start again..

 

GONGITA: Start what?

 

NGONGE: Talking about Mehdi.

 

GONGITA: I was going to ask you about University.

 

NGONGE: You want to go to University?

 

GONGA: She'll have to finish school first. Then she'll have to go to college. Then she'll go to University.

 

GONGA: Where will I leave my baby when I go to University?

 

NGONGE: naaa ina hebelaay..hooy..gabardha caruurtan dhashay..ya naaas..ya muslimeen...come here and deal with these kids of yours..I'm off to work.

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