Safferz
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Posts posted by Safferz
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Tallaabo, yes -- the study and its follow up studies are based on data from heterosexual married couples. I'd be curious to see how things look with data from non-heterosexual couples too, as well as unmarried cohabiting couples.
<cite>said:</cite>Hahaha I'm gonna make sure I defy that trend
The trend is in fact the opposite, couples who share housework have more sex and report more satisfaction in their sex lives. The data above comes from the early 1990s and couples who met and married in the 1960s and 70s, whereas the more recent study that debunks it surveys couples in 2006.
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Slate calls BS:
Couples Who Share Housework Don't Actually Have Less Sex
Today, the Council on Contemporary Families released a big report assessing the state of American attitudes about marriage and women’s equality within it. Its researchers found that despite “a seeming stall in markers of progress toward gender equality,” particularly in regard to women’s access to jobs and equal pay, “there has been more motion behind the scenes than previously recognized.” Americans have become markedly more progressive in their beliefs about equality in marriage, with an all-time high of 68 percent of Americans disagreeing that men should make more money than their wives, and 65 percent of Americans disagreeing that preschool children are harmed if their mothers have jobs.
Of particular interest is a paper by Sharon Sassler of Cornell University debunking the widely publicized claim that men who do more housework “get” less sex. Research showing that couples had less sex when they split chores equally was “based on data gathered over a quarter of a century ago,” Sassler found, and “was focused on the sexual behaviors of married couples in the late 1980s, many of whom had met and married in the 1960s and 1970s.”
When Sassler and her colleagues turned to newer data from 2006—data that examined married and cohabiting couples that formed in the '90s or later—they found much different results. “Couples who shared domestic labor had sex at least as often, and were at least as satisfied with the frequency and quality of their sex, as couples where the woman did the bulk of the housework,” Sassler writes. So good news for people who like fairness, cleanliness, and sex.
This study is a useful retort to people who are still clinging to the pathetic hope that women don’t actually want equality—see, they turn limp and frigid at the sight of a man pushing a broom! It’s also a much-needed corrective to the unfortunate narrative that’s arisen to try to establish a link between sex and housework in romantic relationships. Too often, sex is treated like a reward that women dole out to men for performing their chores well. Women are expected to perform housework because it needs to be done, but men ostensibly need an extra incentive, such as sex, to be bothered with it. Sassler’s research shows that, really, there’s not much of a relationship between sex and housework at all. In real life, women might have sex because they want to, and men might do their fair share of housework because taking out your own trash is the right thing to do.
Sadly, Sassler found that the number of men who do the right thing is still pretty low. Only “about three out of ten couples in our sample reported that housework was equally shared,” she writes. For 63 percent of couples, “woman did approximately two-thirds of the housework.” Perhaps if we stopped talking about housework as something men need extra goodies to perform, then those numbers would shift more rapidly.
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<cite>said:</cite>Coercion is not necessarily a bad thing from my point of vieuw. Its merely a sign that you need to get on with it.You guys are giving such unhelpful responses, lol. Holac doesn't want to get married right now and wants his relatives to STFU about it, so he's looking for help for that, not asking SOLers to give their opinions about a decision he's already made regarding his own life.
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Ameen. Thanks everyone, I appreciate all the kind messages and duas. I could not find a flight early enough to make it in time for the tacsi, so I decided to stay. I actually bought a ticket to return this Saturday immediately after hearing the news on Wednesday, but had it canceled when I thought about it some more and learned the tacsi would be over on Friday. It's strange to experience loss from such a long distance, without the closure of seeing the body or being able to mourn with your family, it's those things that make death physically real. It still feels unreal to me, to be honest.
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My ayeeyo passed away this morning in Hargeisa, and I'm going to try and head back this week with my mom to be with my relatives. Her health was not perfect and she had dealt with complications from a stroke she had over a decade ago, but until she suddenly fell ill last night she was doing just fine. I am told she took her last breath while reciting Sura Yasin. Please pray for her... I am heartbroken, but thankful I saw her when I visited in May.
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AUN. I did not know him personally, but we had many mutual friends and acquaintances and from all the tributes and comments I've read, I can tell he was a wonderful human being and loved by many. I'd like to share one from a professor in the city:
"I am so heartbroken. A few months ago I received an email from a young man whom I didn't know, but who had read my work. He was working on a research project of his own, and he wanted to know if I would be willing to meet with him to talk it over. We had friends in common. We had a warm email exchange and we met in person in May. He was one of the young, brilliant, critical thinkers -- 2nd-generation Somali youth -- who are now doing smart research that is both enlightening and beginning to make enormous change. We had a short but powerful conversation and I was so excited to meet him and looking forward to a lifetime of conversations about getting to social justice & activist research.
Abshir Hassan died last night, gunned down at close range in Lawrence Heights.
He was a good, caring person, a teacher & a student, working hard to fix everything that needs to be fixed.
If there is any part of you that thinks that all Somali youth who get shot are gang- or drug-involved, send that part packing. Now.
Please understand that the conditions that create the world in which someone like Abshir Hassan is murdered are conditions that we have all served to create, and we all need to play a part in fixing - especially if you are an employer, a journalist, a teacher, a policeman, a politician... especially if you are white and have power or influence of any kind.
Please try to understand what racist power structures do to young black men, and how even the ones who have done everything they were supposed to do -- who have followed all the rules, who have been successful -- are still not safe.
Please honour Abshir's memory by digging deeper, thinking more, & making up your mind to push against the grain wherever you can. Hire a Somali teen. Challenge the police to stop carding. Refuse to buy into racist sensationalist journalism. Don't buy the Rob&DougFord tripe.
Understand that resilient young Somali men and women will change their world and ours for the better: They could use your support and they don't deserve your ignorance.
Abshir Hassan - rest in peace, rest in power. Inalilah waina ilayhi raji3uun."
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<cite>said:</cite>Get married. Why are you still around? Did you get married yet? Are you still looking? Adigu ma guursanaysid weligaa. Arooskagu waa goorma?I am tired of these questions and comments.How do you deal with them?Leaving the possibility open is what keeps relatives hopeful and constantly asking -- be straightforward and tell them you're not interested in getting married right now, that should shut it down.
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That game gave me way too much anxiety, but thrilled to see the Netherlands advance to the semifinals. Oranje boven!!!
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Happy birthday Somalia!
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<cite>said:</cite>is saffers going to stay in ethiopia during ramadan? anything new saffers.ramadan karim.I just got back to Toronto today. Between my visa troubles, the chilly weather and approaching rainy season, and living upstairs in the home of a Tigray couple who fight loudly several times a week (the wife drank bleach earlier this week after an argument !!), I decided it was time to GTFO of the country. Will be at my parents' home for Ramadan instead, which I haven't been home for in years.
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<cite>said:</cite>I've been to Somalia several times in past few years. Somalis of any citizenship r being stopped, arrested, and detained for an extended period of time with out charge upon entering and exiting Ethiopia says recent us travel warning. Much different than SomaliaI was actually given a hard time at the immigration office in Addis Ababa two weeks ago when I went to extend my one month entry visa because of the multiple Somaliland stamps on my passport. The immigration agent asked me what I want from Ethiopia and why I've visited so many times, denied my request for a two month visa (Canadians can typically get 1, 3 and 6 month visas without issue) and told me to leave the country in a month. I'm actually planning to leave next month when my visa expires instead of going through the hassle of trying to get another month extension. I did manage to get my dad's birth certificate though, so when I get back to Canada I will be getting the yellow Ethiopian origin ID card issued to all dual nationality Ethiopians from the Ethiopian embassy, so I won't need a visa in the future.
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<cite>said:</cite>Safferz, Sure I can accept that the language 1000 years ago isn't the same as it is today. The same way how Olde English is nothing like the English of today. Languages evolve over time and very few stay stagnant. What's your point?Who we were 2000 years ago isn't the same as who we are today. I know. And you can say that there were virtually no differences between Ethiopians and Somalis 2000 years ago, but that's irrelevant. The differences exist today, right now. Somalis aren't the same as Tigrays, and we aren't the same as Oromos or Amharics. Sure there are similarities, but that's about it. I'm sure you can say the same for Central European nations and some East Asian nations.Ethiopia isn't "Muslim". It's a country with a significant Muslim minority, but it isn't Muslim at all. And one-third of the country being Muslim is a significant minority yes, but that doesn't qualify them as being a Muslim society.And I do not want to see Somalis inter-mixing with Ethiopians (unless they were Muslim-Ethiopians) and adopting their culture and lifestyle.I know examples of Somali men marrying Orthodox Tigray women and the result was an absolute disaster. I don't even need to get into the detailsMy point is that your earlier post (as well as this one) is primordialist nonsense. It also shows a lack of awareness about Ethiopia itself, which is why I asked you if you've ever been here. There's nothing inherently Christian about Tigray culture and society, Amhara culture and society, Oromo culture and society, or any of the numerous ethnic groups found in Ethiopia. Culture and language are simply that, and there are numerous Muslims who are Amhara, Tigray, Agaw, etc. And they are hardly a minority.
Anyway, not really interested in continuing this debate with my limited internet time these days.
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<cite>said:</cite>Tallaabo why in the hell would you promote race-mixing with Ethiopians? Why would you even want to promote integration with a people who aren't even Muslim?If you're not okay with your daughter or son adopting the Amharic lifestyle and even converting to their religion, then you're being hypocritical here.All of this race-mixing sounds great on paper to you, but in reality it's a disaster. And deep down, you know it. We will lose our identitylol this is bullshit, DK. The differences between ethnic groups in the Horn of Africa are simply linguistic. The Somali language is likely not even 1000 years old, having branched off from the same proto-Cushitic language other groups like Afar and Oromo also spoke before they too broke off and developed into distinct dialects and then different languages. And that language itself broke off from the larger Afro-Asiatic branch that we share with Semitic languages like Arabic and Amharic. So who were we 2000 years ago, when Somali, Oromo, Amhara and Tigray differentiations did not exist? Furthermore, what makes you think such mixing did not take place historically, with other groups being absorbed into the people we now call Somali? That's precisely how languages (and in turn, ethnicities and cultures) develop and spread, and we know that much of the region Somalis now inhabit belonged to others. Did they move? More likely is that as Somali became dominant, people adopted the Somali language and culture which spread over time.
Have you even been to Ethiopia? Here in Addis Ababa, you hear the adhaan five times a day in every part of the city. Ethiopia is as Muslim as anywhere else, don't be fooled by the narrative crafted by the historically ruling minority.
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Mooge, Harar is a very diverse city but the Harari people are a small ethnic group who are generally lighter in colour than the surrounding Somalis and Oromos, sort of like Reer Xamar in Mogadishu. But I don't think they're any more beautiful than others in the Horn, unless skin colour is an indicator of beauty.
<cite>said:</cite>crook hebeshas they claim so many beautiful Somali songs as Ethiopian oldies,inserting few Amharic words here & there
Waha leyabe is an old Somali song?
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<cite>said:</cite>^^ Spain got humiliated and owned for sure with a 1-5 by Holland. The revenge for losing the world cup South Africa final to the Spaniards. Aaaah.. it was a crazy amazing game chaos everywhere! Hahaha to all the faces of defeat
The flying Dutchman Robin van Persie
Ps: For updates about the matches, scores and groups you can go toBy the way it will automatically show your local time to watch the games.I was watching the game here in Addis Ababa with some Ethiopians, and one of them joked it was like Netherlands playing Ethiopia, not two top teams playing each other
Oranje boven!!!!
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<cite>said:</cite>a four year old who doesn't even know his name is trouble niyoow. i hope he is given back. i know white people are always looking for excuse to take kids away from families forever. this is perfect excuse.The parents of a 4 year old found wandering barefoot at night and hasn't been reported missing shouldn't get their kid back.
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This is one of the most popular songs in Addis right now... Somali and Amharic lyrics
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<cite>said:</cite>Safferz, Have you been the old town of Harar. I heard they have some one thousand year old " Qur'aan Kitaabs" with an old calligraphy. Friend of mine told me they are designated as International heritage site.By the way do not talk politics with local people and even in SOL. You are Canadian, but it could take months sometimes to free people from Ethiopia. JUst little concern.good luck.You are right, galbeedi. I am always vague about my research (not that I work on anything threatening, but I'd rather not get into discussions about the Somali region) and generally only tell people I'm here to learn Amharic and that I'm interested in the history of the Horn of Africa. I have been to Harar but haven't yet had the opportunity to see those artifacts, unfortunately.
<cite>said:</cite>saffers that is a nice picture. is that pretty lady you or some old friend?She's a local woman who offered coffee to me and the American missionary I randomly ran into up there. We had an interesting conversation.
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Dutch-born, so I'm with Oranje as well
Hup Holland hup! -
<cite>said:</cite>saffers, where are the pictures. i don't have good internet is not excuse. you have to send us some pictures while you are there too. lool.lol that's not my only excuse, I've stopped carrying around my camera during my daily outings... there's a lot of theft in the areas I frequent, so I don't want to take the chance. I also don't find Addis as interesting to photograph as other places, now that I'm used to the place. The only pics I have are from outside Addis, so here are two from Mount Entoto:
Coffee at the top of Mount Entoto
The view of Addis
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<cite>said:</cite>Saff, lol@half Somalis. Who are the Somalis marrying and mixing with? Are the Somali men marrying other women or is it the other way around?Harari and Oromo, which shouldn't be a surprise to see in cities like Harar and Dire Dawa where Somalis live alongside these other ethnic groups. I'm sure we've had intermarriage in those regions forever. You'll see both Somali men and women marrying out. I remember stopping to take a photo in Harar when a Harari man recognized me as a Somali and came over with his wife, and told me (in Somali) that his mom is Somali and gave me their number if I need help in the city or even a place to stay. Kind people
On a related note, I've learned that Ethiopians LOVE Somali women. Everyone who has learned I'm Somali has always remarked that Somali women are beautiful (betam konjo nachew) and said that we have a colour to our skin that you won't see among Ethiopians. A man today was comparing my colour to a fish but I didn't quite follow, lol. They also say that Somalis are kind, genuine people, and usually make a comment about our size (Somalis are much taller than most Ethiopians, and if you see a fat person in Addis, it is usually a Somali woman lol). I'm only 5'6", but that's enough to make me taller than most women and even men here in Addis.
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I'm with Miyir -- Somalis in Ethiopia don't experience the same xenophobia and islamophobia as our folks do in Kenya, we're also not seen as unwanted outsiders here or worse, perceived to be an enemy population living within the country. DoctorKenney is right that there are grave human rights violations in kililka shanaad, but that's a political situation of a state trying to extend its power (brutally) into a region it has so far been unsuccessful in penetrating and where there is active opposition and insurgency. It's about political control rather than ethnicity, to put it simply, whereas in Kenya you are the subject of hostility and dislike simply walking around Nairobi and looking like a Somali.
<cite>said:</cite>SafQuestions for you, wanted to Holiday in Kenya but changed may mind since they started abusing Somalis badly( why would i spend my hard earned money where i'm not appreciated)1- how expensive to holiday in Ethiopia? give me a figure (hotels, meals, sight seeing and usual things)2- what is the main attractions? Night life and entertainment where decent local folks hung out? not interested the usual western tourist hung outs.Ethiopia is quite cheap. I'm not sure what your citizenship is, but for most Western countries, citizens can receive a one month single-entry visa upon landing at Addis Ababa Bole airport for $20. Flying domestically with Ethiopian Airlines (much cheaper to book flights while in Ethiopia, btw) is inexpensive (I think my Dire Dawa roundtrip last year was $100 or so), and buses are even cheaper. Hotels vary in price and quality, but the most expensive ones are the international chains like Sheraton and Hilton at about $200US a night, however they are preferred by foreigners since there is much to do without leaving hotel grounds, and Ethiopia can be quite difficult when you are visibly foreign from what I can see. If you're interested in a 5 star hotel, I'd go with Sheraton Addis. Jupiter Hotel is also very nice and a little cheaper. For budget hotels in Addis, I've heard good things from friends about a bed and breakfast called Mr. Martin's Cozy Place, which is around $30 a night. Meals can also be as expensive or as cheap as you want it to be, but even a fancy dinner at a top restaurant in Addis like Castelli's didn't cost me more than $30-40 US with a group. Likewise coffee at an 'expensive' coffee shop like Tomocca might be 10 birr (~50 cents US). Getting around the city also varies, if you're brave and want to take the mini-buses (large blue or white vans) like locals do, a trip can be anywhere from 1.5 birr to 5 birr per bus depending on the route, and contract taxis (small blue cars are the cheap ones) should never be more than 150 birr for a trip, though they will try and ask for more. Always negotiate the price for a contract taxi before you start moving, and it would be a good idea to learn a little bit of Amharic so they don't try and give you a ferenj price
Hmm I'm not good for attractions because I haven't done too much here in Addis, but making a trip up to Mount Entoto for the view of Addis and having coffee at the top was amazing, so I'd recommend doing that. You should also check out Piazza and Merkato (the largest open air market in Africa), both central areas. In Piazza, there's an amazing Ethio-jazz lounge called Jazzamba attached to Taitu hotel that has live music every night... I met Mahmoud Ahmed and Alemayehu Eshete there last time I went, two of Ethiopia's greats. I also like Yod Abyssinia restaurant in Bole for live traditional music and good food. I did a few touristy things too like go to the museums and monuments, but it wasn't particularly interesting to me... I thought the Holy Trinity Cathedral was stunning though, so that may be worth checking out. Haile Selassie and his wife are also interred there.
The only other part of Ethiopia I've been to is east, so I can't speak to northern or southern regions. I've been meaning to visit Gondar and Lalibela sometime. I've been to Dire Dawa and Harar, and I think both are worth checking out if you want to leave Addis and head east... you can fly to Dire Dawa, where the best hotels like Triangle and Samrat are $25-30 a night and get around cheaply by bajaj. From Dire Dawa, you can take a mini-bus to Harar... just ask a bajaj driver to take you to the minariya (bus station) and ask around for the Harar mini-buses (Harar yet new?) or listen for someone yelling it out. Harar is my favourite city in Ethiopia so far, and you'll love it if you also like historical cities and the experience of just walking around its narrow alleys and walls. Dire Dawa and Harar are also full of Somalis (and half-Somalis, lol) and Somali speakers, so not as difficult to navigate if you don't speak Amharic.
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Men Who Do More Housework Have Less Sex
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Sounds ideal to me...